Yesterday afternoon, a Neapolitan pizzaiolo died of heart attack, after a dill pickle landed on the pizza he was just about to slide into the wood fired oven. Shortly after the event, it was communicated that the cause was the intentional mishandling of a jar by an intern cook from Scandinavia. After a thorough investigation, the intern cook, the jar of dill pickles and their producer in Denmark have been identified as the perpetrators of this savage crime.
‘The intern seemed like a good boy at first, although I always wondered whether his diet of pickled herring may lead to unusual behaviours’, says Luigi Mozzarello, the owner of the pizza restaurant.
The Pizza Police have started a raid across kitchens in the city. An undisclosed number of pineapples have been confiscated, together with bananas, mini burgers, Frankfurters and jars of Nutella. ‘These were all disasters waiting to happen’, reports the chief of The Pizza Police, Giovanni Marzanoli.
‘We must only make pizza the proper way and avoid any risk of such crimes’, comments Marco Farinetti, the mayor of the city. ‘This art has been documented for two-thousand-years, as you can see’, adds Marco, pointing towards a column in the main square, onto which are engraved the exact measurements, percentages, dough fermentation processes, temperatures and ingredients to make Neapolitan pizza.
This morning, the local government announced their efforts to integrate the Verace Pizza Napoletana regulations into the constitution of the country, thus prolonging law studies from 5 years, to 15.